Friday, July 31, 2009

Hidden Treasures.

Day 9.

Just sitting here outside, under the sun, thinking of you.. passing the time in between classes.  Memories of you come alive as if you were here sitting, watching, & waiting with me.  I do not miss you alone, but I miss you, me, and what we are when we're together.  My heart gently calls your name through the distance.  This is the kind of hurt a heart should be thankful to feel.  It awakens the soul, gives it hope, & captivates beauty in all things.  We should only be lucky to have someone to miss and to realize the depth of their worth in our life.


Raw. Unedited.  Unfiltered.  I'm sure the entry is riddled with grammatical errors.  I'm also sure grammar was the least of my concerns when I wrote this. 

I found this piece, among others, in an old Finance spiral notebook.  Perhaps I did take on Jalene's advice.. years ago.  Albeit, this was a different time and a different person.  It was so secret that.. I completely forgot about it.  So secret that I don't know where I've written the rest of the entries.  I KNOW for a fact, there is a lot more.  I handwrote these entries, though I vaguely remember writing them.  Oh well, I love surprises :)  I'll find them one day.

This was part of my brilliant idea entitled, "120 days of missing you."

The funny thing is... after I read this entry, I had no idea who I wrote this for until I read the other entries ;)  Oh, I crack myself up.  I would normally keep these kinds of things to myself, but I figure enough time has passed since I've written this.  Such a corny, daydreaming sap I am.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Taking Advice.

I took Jalene's advice.  I can freely write without consequence, without inhibitions.  In 5 years, right Jalene?  Who knows where we'll be in a few years.  For all we know, 2012 is gonna be the year of the Anunaki, Lol.

I'm currently debating whether or not to send this message at the moment. Ah f&ck it.  All guards down until I go back to reality in a couple of hours.

Yep, back to Colorado... Leaving on a jet plane again.  *shivers*  I don't like the thought of planes.  In about 12 hours.  Thinking about leaving home again is kind of making me sad.  I never feel fulfilled.  Not enough.  Nothing is ever enough.

All things aside, I think I feel a little guilty about leaving my mom again.  I know she'll miss me terribly.  Her health has been better, but I'm praying that her medications start working.  It's been 3 months.  I don't want to even bare the thought of her needing surgery, especially in THAT area.  It's critical her medicine works. *sigh*

I guess I should do more packing.. my thoughts are becoming incoherent.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Paradox of Life.

This week has been pretty awesome!  I've been trying to spend as much time with friends as I can before I leave.  I fell asleep early last night, perhaps my day-long fit with trying to puke had something to do with it.  I had a slight hangover due to the previous night (amazingly fun might I add), but all I needed to do was puke to make myself feel better, but that was not happening for some reason.

Anyhows, I'll try to summarize the highlights of this past week.

Horrible weather!  The worst it's been since I've been home.  We went hiking through the bamboo forest.  I guess it's called The Four Falls of Na'ili'ili-Haele.  Teri, Jalene, Patrick, John, & I chanced it.  We were soaking wet within minutes of exiting the car and continued to be as we crossed the river numerous times & climbed up the pathways.  We all eventually stopped caring about our shoes/socks getting wet and just stomped our way through the water.  Getting over the 2nd waterfall required climbing up a ladder tied to the guava tree above.  After Jalene & I unsuccessfully tried to find a pathway up the almost vertical dirt hill, we scooted our way back down and managed to get most of our backsides dirty.  Washing off was not going to be a problem.  Getting to the 3rd waterfall required jumping into the river and swimming across the pool to the side of the 3rd fall.  Climbing the rocks lead us to the 4th & final waterfall.  We came upon a 100+ foot waterfall with a wide, deep pool.  If it wasn't for the rain, freezing water, wind, & overall lack of sunlight.. we probably would've all jumped in!  Teri & Patrick were the only ones to brave the cold.  On the way back, the water started to rise.  I could feel nature gathering its strength slowly, quietly.  We left just at the right time.  The boys managed to make it out relatively scathe free.  As for us girls, we each fell twice.  1st time, of all things Teri tries to protect, he tries to grab/hold up my head as I'm falling into the river.  2nd time, some kind of plant cut my hand open an inch.  Jalene managed to pull her groin or some kind of muscle in her leg.  Overall though, that hike was super super fun!  The rain added a lot to the feel of the hike and brought about more challenges.  I'd do that hike again.  Thanks to the rain, the waterfalls were also full of life.

After the hike, we ate at Ichiban.  We headed out to Teri's house, less the two siblings, to play on his dirtbike again.  Unfortunately after Teri pressure washed his bike, it wouldn't start!  They spent over an hour taking the bike apart and cleaning things out, but it just wasn't meant to be that day.  We went home, ate some dinner.  Later that night we played some COD4 at my house & then went to Bev's house for a hookah session.  I'm getting better at making "O's"

This day was probably the hottest day ever!  I was pretty miserable all day and did not know what to do with myself.  I had a headache from the heat.  I laid around all day trying to avoid getting as hot as possible.  Later that night, Jalene came over a bit early with white wine from New Zealand & cheese + crackers.  Thanks to her, I discovered another cheese that I like, Gouda!  It's delicious!  Our other friends joined us later and we got the hookah fired up.  We chilled and played some Taboo as we smoked.  Lovely.

I had dinner with my mother, brother, & his gf at Yakiniku.  I really wanted to do Yakiniku/Korean BBQ style dinner, but nooooo.  Everyone vetoed that suggestion.  I was a bit irked to say the least, & my mother took that as me not wanting to be there with them.  She's been a bit emotional lately I must say.  Lol.  She's been misconstruing my statements a lot these days and making up things in her head.  I also realized I was being a spoiled little girl, so I stopped immediately.  Thank goodness my mother is very forgiving of my antics.  After all, I'm the baby ;)  I had the meat jun + mandoo dish.  Absolutely delicious!  Loved it.

After dinner, I let myself digest for a bit to make room for the rest of the nights events.  I mixed 2 big cups of vodka cranberry (extra vodka, please!) for myself before the girls arrived.  We then all took a shot before heading to the club.  I was worried they wouldn't take my old license as a valid ID, but I got in quite easily!  YAY.  I got about 3 vodka cranberries that night, that I put down in random places and never really drank!  wtf.  Haha.  Joemar, Patrick, & Josh took foreeeever to get in.  It was pretty packed I suppose, at capacity.  I saw a lot of old friends.  I wish I could remember everything/everyone from that night.  LOL.  Too bad my mind was focused elsewhere.

There was a lot of dancing, a lot of walking, and a lot of smiles to go around.  I was definitely in a drunken stupor, but I can't say that alcohol was the sole culprit to my inebriation.  By the time the club closed down, everyone was in their own world.  I jumped in with the boys & we headed over to Denny's.  The girls joined us soon after.  The rest of the night will be stored in my memory box for my amusement.

After Friday night's events, a few revelations, & epiphanies along the way.. I am satisfied. Yet, I am left wanting.  The Paradox of Life.  After you attain one thing, you are left with even more desire.  Things are just never enough.

Friday, July 17, 2009

That Soon?

Wow.. a month & a half sure has flown by.  Has it really been that long since I've been on this island?  Have my senses grown numb to time that I hardly notice the days and the pace at which they progress?  Its bittersweet knowing that I'll soon be going back to Colorado, to the loving arms of my boyfriend & the slobbery kisses of our darlings, Zeus & Lexi.  Yet, I'll be leaving my family, friends, and an extremely comfortable, familiar lifestyle.  Yin & Yang, why must you exist?  The next couple of days won't ease rapid rate of time either.  Maui (Hawaiian Demigod) please capture the sun again and cast a spell on him.  I hope he hears my plea.

Oh, my birthday, that day started out rough.  I was rather irritable actually, but I am not surprised.  My crazy sleeping schedule would make any person irritable.  Not to mention, I've never been a morning person.  Mother's never seem to understand that concept.  Alas, I needed to deal with my vices.  It was imperative to not ruin this day for me.

I was running around cleaning, picking things up, setting things up, etc.  My family & some of the church members came over to our house to eat dinner.  My mother and other family members prepared food such as: dry mein (tastes exacty like sam satos!), bbq pork, fish, arellieno,  shrimp, chicken katsu, puto, etc.  My brother also got what I asked for.. an ice cream cake!!  Yippeee :)  He asked me what I wanted and I told him to get me that.  Haha.

After the family dinner and crazy karaoke singing, my friends came over later that night.  I saw some faces I haven't seen in forever, Rae-ann, Drigo.. it's been YEARS.  Cason, Drigo, & Eric were singing & just jamming on the acoustic + electric guitar.  Rap, Hawaiian, & Heavy Metal all in one?  The sound surprisingly collaborated well with each other.  I had my usual poison-- vodka-- and we all had lots and lots of hookah.  It was burning really well that night and was just plain enjoyable-- minus the negatives parts though which I refused to acknowledge for the time being for fear of ruining my night.  I am grateful for my friends & family.. especially my mother and brother.  I LOVE THEM!  I am thankful for those that greeted me, came to my house, & all those that showed their love.  I truly felt the love.  Thank you!

The next day, Teri, Jalene, Abby, & I went to the mall to have lunch.  I FINALLY got my hands on some meat jun.  Oh how long I've been craving this dish.  It was perfect!  Too  bad it was a bit chilly that day.  We went to Fun Factory to help create some body heat, by way of playing some basketball!  Wow, I didnt realize that the rules changed and they made the gameplay longer.  So much longer that my arm felt crazy and wanted to fall off.  It was fun though!

Today was Diane's LPN graduation.  I arranged her bouquet of 18 roses in my favorite shade of pink too!  Mom & I picked out the flowers and despite our skirmish (shared strong-willed, know-it-all attitude makes for many chances of butting heads!), I put the thing together.  I admit, I felt bad afterwards and still do actually.  *Sigh*  I really need to control my temper around her.  Must work harder at that.  

Anywho, the graduation.. yes, after the ceremony we made our way to Lahaina and ate dinner at Aloha Mixed Plate w/ some of Diane's friends.  I had a lava flow, which tasted like nothing was even in it!  Boo.  I also had the Breaded Teriyaki Beef.  It was alright, but not truly satisfying.  I've had WAY better.  The beef was just overcooked and really crunchy.  Ah well, I'll just have to satisfy that craving another time.

Tomorrow, we're heading to the Kealani Hotel to celebrate Diane's graduation.  Her dad rented a suite for her :)  Yes, more opportunity to get a tan!  I'm excited for the pool & jacuzzi too!  I'm hoping to play Taboo and Cranium too.  On Sunday, it's my cousin's wedding.  Too many things going on.  I just want to sit down and read my book.  I'll actually do that now.

I started on New Moon today.  It hasn't failed me yet.  Enjoying it so far :)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I Love Peaceful Melody

I took this photo of Lucky & Ngayaw a couple of weeks ago. Kitty is Lucky's best friend. He absolutely loves her. Haha. It's the cutest thing. Look at them all happy and jolly. I love this photo!

It's been fairly quiet on my end lately.  I haven't been going out with the friends as much, but concentrating more on spending time with family.  Family takes precedence after all.  My sleeping schedule is so off these days anyway.  I stay up all night, wake up early, and sometimes manage to take a nap in between.  By the time anyone texts me to have lunch, I've already eaten.  Or sometimes I get texts 30 minutes to an hour before the actual planned event.  I've never been fond of those.  It's rather cumbersome most of the time.

It's strange, but I only have 3 more weeks here and I feel as though I haven't accomplished anything.  I am going to make a list of things I want to get done/do before I leave so that I can set goals.  Sleep can always wait.  I can sleep on the plane if anything!

My brother and I will start on our "Dog House" project today.  We were supposed to start it 3 weeks ago... Haha.  We also have to practice our song in the afternoon for Church.  I am not a singer... I don't even really know the song.  This could get interesting.  I also have to clean out one of the rooms in the house.  I've been telling my mom I'd do it for weeks and got a good amount done.  I REALLY need to finish most of it tomorrow.  Although, my back is killing me.  I hate it.  Just need to wait it out for another 1 or 2 days and the pain should go away.

Other things I'd like to accomplish/do this week:
  • Give all the dogs a bath
  • Wash the 4runner & the seat covers (need to by wetsuit shampoo for this!)
  • Talk to my aunt about designing a website for the church
  • Send out resumes
  • Start planning London trip(!!)
  • Go to the beach
Am I missing something?  Probably.  My mom will have me doing something in no time.  I have to wake up in about 3 hours to take her to the Farmer's Market again.  Haha.  Another early day. 

Friday, July 3, 2009


When I came home there was a couch and a bunch of other random things in my room.  I guess my family turned my room into a semi-storage in my absence.  I highly dislike coming home with other's people's things in my room, but I guess I really can't do anything about it these days!

My best friend helped me clean up the mess and made a night of it.  We rearranged some things and figured out where to put my newfound couch and other things.  I also moved my bed canopy back a little bit & brought out my bookshelf that I kept in my closet (3rd photo).  We also left the TV on the floor so that I can play xbox while I'm here (thanks to Teri!).  I must say, it's good to be sleeping in my own bed.  I've had the same bed for almost 15 years now and it's simply my favorite place to be :)

I've got more photos to post from the past who knows how many weeks I've been here.  Time is just passing by so quickly.  It's bittersweet.  Going to the beach in a couple of hours.  Yayy!  FINALLY.  My first trip to the beach since I've been home.  Haha.  I am in GREAT need of a tan.  I'll remember to bring a book with me just in case the waves are too big for my liking.  Haha.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


I am completely .. utterly.. EXHAUSTED!  I have been running on 2 1/2 hours of sleep since 6AM and my body is barely functioning at the moment.  I'm surprised I didn't give in to my bodies desperate attempt for a nap and instead kept myself awake.  If I took that nap, I would either 1) be up all night once I got up or  2) still be sleeping and would eventually wake up way to early to know what to do with myself.

I woke up at 6AM to take my mom to the farmer's market.  Yes, every Tuesday I need to take her so that she can get fresh papayas cheap:  3 for $1.00.  It takes all but 20-25 minutes really, but it screws with my sleep!  What I would give for loooong, continuous sleep.  The thought/feeling seems so foreign to me now.

I needed to get some website work done so I worked on that instead of going back to sleep.  I had more work to than I thought.  That's always a good thing.  I had less than an hour before my mom guys had to leave and I had to watch the patients so again, it was useless to sleep.  Once my brother & mom left for her appointment, I was left to watch my mother's patients.  At 11:30, I got their lunch ready and round them up to eat.  My Filipino shows came on shortly thereafter and I was able to just veg out on my shows for a little bit.

Later on, I went to the post office to send off a 
surprise mini care package for Peter.  Hope he likes the candy :)  Actually, that kid just loves candy!  Any kind of candy will do!  After that, I went over to Long's and picked up more 2 liter bottles of soda.  10 of them to be exact.  At 99 cents each, that's a bargain in Hawaii!  Talked to Peter for a while, sat on my computer... I am running on empty.  I need to sleep soon so that I can recoup the lost energy and prepare myself for our planned hiking trip tomorrow.  Hopefully the 'unsures' will be sure to come tomorrow morning.

I took these self-portraits during Sunday's shoot.  The lighting was perfectly awesome :)

The second photo has the wind swept effect in action!  Haha.  Can't wait to go back to this place next week.  Portraits will be our main focus this time around.  Woohoo.